Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
