WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Randomize
