Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Randomize
