the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
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