Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Randomize
