You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
