im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
