My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
