i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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