I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Randomize
