every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
