Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
