So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
