Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
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