1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Are we still banned from the library?
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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