she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Randomize
