in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
