you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
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just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
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You can't just leave with hair like that
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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