Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Randomize
