Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Randomize
