Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
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