You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
