No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Randomize
