I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
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I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
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I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
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