Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Randomize
