I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
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i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
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trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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