U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
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Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize