Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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