Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
