yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
tequila makes me forget i have legs
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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