The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
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