I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
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