Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Randomize
