he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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