Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Randomize
