i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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