i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
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