i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize
