Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
