I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
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