8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
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