i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
