note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize