just survived the first fart of the relationship.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize
