I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
No awkward lesbian experiences without me
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Randomize
