Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
