If that was your dad, he is hot
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
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