Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Randomize
