We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
