My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
