I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Randomize
