I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
