I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Randomize
