He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
