So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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