Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Randomize
