hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
