I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
