12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
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