I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Randomize
