I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
My ATM looks so different sober.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
