I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Randomize
