I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Randomize
