When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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