I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Randomize
