you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
