Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Randomize
