Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
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