god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
