he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Randomize
