Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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