I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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