dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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