Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Randomize
