I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
