he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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