well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
